new bunch of politically-correct terms

Abortion – Near-Life Experience
Alcoholic – Anti-Sobriety Activist
Alive – metabolically abled
Bad Cook – microwave-compatible
Bad hair day – rebellious follicle syndrome
Blind – photonically non-receptive
Bum – Involuntarily Domiciled
Cannibalism – Intra-Species Dining
Clumsy – uniquely coordinated
Corpse – Permanently Static Post-Human Mass
Crackpot – certified astrological consultant / past-life regression hypnotist
Crime Rate – street activity index
Deaf – Visually Oriented
Dish Washer – utensil sanitizer
Drunk – verbally dyslexic
Fail – achieve a deficiency
Fat – person of substance
Full of Crap – fecally plenary
Gang – Youth Group
Homeless – residentially flexible
Ignorant – factually unencumbered
Incompetent – Uniquely Proficient
Insult – Emotional Rape
Jerk – suffers from rectal-cranial inversion
Learning Disability – Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
Stoned – Chemically inconvenienced
Undress someone with your eyes – Introspective pornographic moment
Unemployed – Involuntarily leisured
Worst – least best