I don’t know if it’s just from the piles of forms I had to fill out ever since I joined the rat race. After ticking that S in the Marital Status checkbox, I just got hit with it. After 22 years, I’m a Single. This, in a world made for couples (i.e. duo, combos, dinner and movie for 2, marriage). Even my mom can’t wait to raffle me off. Dang, I’m a Single (sorry, just can’t seem to say it enough).
What’s stranger is that I’m not entirely sure if I’m bothered by it or not. As always, kebs.
brace yourself for a geeky post.
damn it, after 2 years, i never thought this day would come. i finally understood the master theorem!!! at first, i got lost with the deltas, omegas, and approximations [felt a lot like my first Calculus encounter. yeech, not a good feeling.], but later on, lo and behold, it finally made sense! it’s been long since i had a Matrix moment — you know, when things just fall into place.
wala lang, i’m just so overwhelmed i had to jot it down. minsan lang to. haha.
it took an hour of wearing myself out on the treadmill to finally knock some sense into me.
i actually thought i got past my ‘moody’ phase. i think i have anger management issues. one time, i’m calm — the next, i’m nuts. at times, when the peeves rear their ugly heads, all caution & rationality goes out the window. i don’t even realize when i’m indulging myself in uber-crankiness, and i just blurt out whatever comes into mind. it’s like one messy hangover, and the guilt afterwards is hell.
i mean, i don’t get violent, but i for all people should know that words could do worse damage. this is for you, all the people who had been unfortunate enough to bump into me during one of my sungit attacks. i sincerely apologize.
sometimes, i get through okay, or i just get away with it. come to think of it, believe it or not, i’m actually an uncomplicated person. it’s just when things like pressure, expectations and feeling come into the equation that i lose grasp of sense. if only things were meant to be uncomplicated. if only questions came with answers. if only we had a unified sense of good. if only good was inevitable. if only your crush had a crush on you too, those kind of things.
damn it, someone please fix me.
brute force. haha. haven’t heard that term in a long time.
best advice i’ve ever gotten.
after a testosterone-filled apo trip, i was truly grateful for tidoy’s invite to a chill-ax getaway at subic. we whisked ourselves to this cozy place called Courtyard Inn, which was more luxurious than what i was used to. we had our own beds, cable tv, room service, the works. perfect for the brat within who was crying for some pampering.
in truly girl-bonding fashion, we hit the spa, the subic yacht club pool and the duty-free shops. a tiny misadventure was thrown our way though, when tidoy’s battery was discharged when we left the headlights on (funny though, because it was in the middle of the afternoon). mga diyosa talaga ang mga kasama ko — a bunch of guys swarmed & came to the rescue, and even asked us out for dinner afterwards. bugsy, ever so anti-social, opted for a jazz-club dinner & russian-vodka guzzling at our inn afterwards. sarap! haha.
of course, what trip would be without its photo ops? we also swung by zambales and took a quick dip at the sea, to bid goodbye to a glorious summer. for more pics, check out tidoy’s multiply album at http://doyti.multiply.com/photos/album/26. thanks again guys for the great weekend!
———
as i was scouring for our subic trip pics, i came across some old hs pics from mae & tidoy. can you say, time warp? 🙂
———-
pag minsan, swerte ka talaga at may teammate ka na magaling kumuha ng picture. mwehehe. some shots of jam’s gig at the HP Q2 Hoola Palooza Coffee Talk, courtesy of the legendary Paul Garcia:
the first days after a long climb are always disconcerting.
like how disoriented i was, given my first full dose of light and electricity i had when i stepped into sm davao fresh from the mountain.
like how i felt i was drowning in pillows during that first night back at home (that was a nice feeling, actually).
like how strange it seemed when i woke up and saw no mud or twigs, not even the roof of a tent; how weird it felt that i wasn’t to spend my whole day trekking with faces that had gotten familiar.
like how odd it was that i was actually getting food and water from the ref. on a whim.
like how i felt i was still cruising through the streets of davao the first night i went out of the house (good thing i’m on night shift this week; the makati rush may actually succeed in driving the still-unprepared me nuts).
i actually don’t know if i feel good or not.
I love vacations. They allow you to disconnect and free you to be a non-functional individual of the human race.
Despite not pushing through with Camiguin & rafting as planned, to say that climbing Mt. Apo was memorable is a huge understatement.
Definitely, this was the hardest physical battle I’ve had. At times, I’m sure I lost, bruised, wounded and sprained, but the learnings I took from the experience were priceless and unexpected ones, and that’s always a delight.
Thinking about the whole Davao experience sends my head in all directions, but it’s the tiny details that stick. The sight of the clouds way below your feet. The roar of the river as you cross. The pinch from your ‘battle scars’ and the numbness from cold. The canopy that swallows you whole. The feel of the boulders and the smell of sulfur. The glorious sunrise that makes it all worth it.
I’m definitely no good in giving justice to what it was like, so i guess I’ll just let the pics do the talking, as soon as they come.
To the Lakay Apo team, saludo ako sa inyo. Daghang salamat, you guys saved my butt out there. Sana balang araw makabawi ako. Kudos!
For more pics, check out http://picasaweb.google.com/ishgagno/LakayApoTeamMay2007. Thanks Lillian and TJ for posting your pics!
It’ll definitely difficult to top this summer, as I never thought I would be given the chance to literally explore Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao. But hey, who knows? Do i hear a Sagada, Bohol and Camiguin? Woohoo!
——————–
Winning Quotes:
[habang malakas ang ulan ngunit umaaraw]
“Buti pa ang tikbalang, kinakasal; ako single pa rin!”
how apt it is that on the exact date of my stepping into the rat race (happy may 15th, everyone!), i took the day off. i dropped by UP to finally submit my MS application, was delightfully surprised to meet Jan there, and then spent the rest of my day at my favorite mall (Divisoria’s 168, of course).
in exactly 6 hours and 21 minutes, i’ll be heading off to Davao to do what I guess every mountaineer has thought of doing some time in his life — climb Mt. Apo. and yep, it has dawned upon me that this may be my last post ever, due to two possibilities:
(1) once i meet the boulders of Mt. Apo, i might not be able to come back,
and
(2) once i blissfully take a break from reality, in exchange for the terrains of Davao, the sands of Camiguin, and the rapids of Cagayan de Oro, i might not want to ever come back. mwehehe.
wish me luck! (jan, hinabilin ko na sayo password ko ha? 🙂 )
——————
took ikay to her first wall-climb last saturday:
sometimes, there just comes a point wherein we just want to throw all caution to the wind and see exactly how high we can reach. of course, when frustrations surface, you can always delude yourself in the mean time and do it literally. 😛
I dropped by UP today to wrap up some stuff for my enrolment. It didn’t take more than a minute for nostalgia to take over once I stepped into Eng’g.
In the world of heavy textbooks, calculus and algorithms, life was far simpler. I miss the nonchalance of walking — no, prancing — around UP, with your head up in the clouds, thinking about trivial musings, as well as how one day you are someday to change the world.
life /lIf/ (n): the condition of living or the state of being alive; the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body
If your life consists of just getting through the day’s and hoping that tomorrow will bring less drudgery, would that qualify as life?
If your life sans eclat would boil down to simply counting down the hours until you go pffft, would that count at all?
Again, don’t mind me, I’m just rambling. It’s just ironically, now that I can call the shots to where I want to be headed, I haven’t the faintest idea on where to go, let alone what to do. How my life has simmered down to this state of limbo, I could not fathom. It’s silly, really — I don’t know if it’s just hormones or some long-suspected clinical condition, but sometimes I feel so lost and alone, that I could just spontaneously burst into tears. Now, that could be awkward if I bawl in the middle of typing. Sheesh.
Maybe it’s just because recently, nothing has recently made me happy, as in with the true sense of bliss. Nothing bad really happened, but nothing that good, either. They say life is supposed to be this big adventure, this roller coaster. Then you discover that it’s really more of a Rialto — scream all you want, but it’s just as real as you would want it to be.
Oh well, enough whining.
———————-
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. I’ll keep that in mind.
I have belief in my generation. We are to be the success story which our nation awaits. We have all the capacity to be — the right mix of idealism, cynicism, brilliance, and heart. Throw in today’s myriad of opportunities.
Bear in mind, we also can be the nation’s ultimate tragedy and disappointment. Let’s make sure it won’t be so.
.: ishcapades 