It’s odd that I find noise in my life comforting. Maybe it just confirms what I’ve known all along — that I’m an escapist by nature. Filling my head with things to do, then pointlessly mulling over getting them done ironically aids to keep my sanity. Because there are worse things out there than noise. It’s called TRUTH. And it bites.
All posts by ishg
I hate free time.
Free time breeds discontent and paranoia.
Much as I love to loaf around, it’s too risky to give an opening for moping and sulking. Argh, I’m doing it again.
bangag. don’t ask.
Where does one get wisdom?
Never really been a fan of self-help books. I’m more interested to learn from real people’s encounters, but all these are reactive. Are we doomed to get messed up first, then learn later?
We all wish that it would be that easy — that answers fall into your lap, that the signs you ask for would be as obvious as MMDA’s ‘Walang Tawiran, Nakamamatay’, that every life-altering choice you would have to make could be decided by using some neat, nifty algorithm.
But then again, if it were that easy, then the point would be lost. I guess this is why of all species, we were given minds that can handle complex thought, so that we can cope with inherently being complex beings. Frankly, I wish God gave me a stronger heart instead, so that I can go out there and make the moves that matter, instead of just cowering and surrendering to the hammock of complacency we’ve hung for ourselves.
Why is it so hard to sit still? Why do we always have to question the state of our lives? And why is it that it is almost always certain that the answer will be unsatisfactory?
Sana monk na lang ako sa Tibet. Paging inner peace. Is it only I that think that I seriously need a shrink? Haha.
Don’t get me wrong. I am certain that I lead one of the more interesting lives. It’s one of the millions of more interesting lives out there. The fact is both uplifting and disconcerting at the same times, not to mention enlightening in so many ways.
I’m a single.
I don’t know if it’s just from the piles of forms I had to fill out ever since I joined the rat race. After ticking that S in the Marital Status checkbox, I just got hit with it. After 22 years, I’m a Single. This, in a world made for couples (i.e. duo, combos, dinner and movie for 2, marriage). Even my mom can’t wait to raffle me off. Dang, I’m a Single (sorry, just can’t seem to say it enough).
What’s stranger is that I’m not entirely sure if I’m bothered by it or not. As always, kebs.
CS 210 Day 2
brace yourself for a geeky post.
damn it, after 2 years, i never thought this day would come. i finally understood the master theorem!!! at first, i got lost with the deltas, omegas, and approximations [felt a lot like my first Calculus encounter. yeech, not a good feeling.], but later on, lo and behold, it finally made sense! it’s been long since i had a Matrix moment — you know, when things just fall into place.
wala lang, i’m just so overwhelmed i had to jot it down. minsan lang to. haha.
ish is crankyish.
it took an hour of wearing myself out on the treadmill to finally knock some sense into me.
i actually thought i got past my ‘moody’ phase. i think i have anger management issues. one time, i’m calm — the next, i’m nuts. at times, when the peeves rear their ugly heads, all caution & rationality goes out the window. i don’t even realize when i’m indulging myself in uber-crankiness, and i just blurt out whatever comes into mind. it’s like one messy hangover, and the guilt afterwards is hell.
i mean, i don’t get violent, but i for all people should know that words could do worse damage. this is for you, all the people who had been unfortunate enough to bump into me during one of my sungit attacks. i sincerely apologize.
sometimes, i get through okay, or i just get away with it. come to think of it, believe it or not, i’m actually an uncomplicated person. it’s just when things like pressure, expectations and feeling come into the equation that i lose grasp of sense. if only things were meant to be uncomplicated. if only questions came with answers. if only we had a unified sense of good. if only good was inevitable. if only your crush had a crush on you too, those kind of things.
damn it, someone please fix me.
first day of school
brute force. haha. haven’t heard that term in a long time.
it’s just pain.
best advice i’ve ever gotten.
Last Call for Summer
after a testosterone-filled apo trip, i was truly grateful for tidoy’s invite to a chill-ax getaway at subic. we whisked ourselves to this cozy place called Courtyard Inn, which was more luxurious than what i was used to. we had our own beds, cable tv, room service, the works. perfect for the brat within who was crying for some pampering.
in truly girl-bonding fashion, we hit the spa, the subic yacht club pool and the duty-free shops. a tiny misadventure was thrown our way though, when tidoy’s battery was discharged when we left the headlights on (funny though, because it was in the middle of the afternoon). mga diyosa talaga ang mga kasama ko — a bunch of guys swarmed & came to the rescue, and even asked us out for dinner afterwards. bugsy, ever so anti-social, opted for a jazz-club dinner & russian-vodka guzzling at our inn afterwards. sarap! haha.
of course, what trip would be without its photo ops? we also swung by zambales and took a quick dip at the sea, to bid goodbye to a glorious summer. for more pics, check out tidoy’s multiply album at http://doyti.multiply.com/photos/album/26. thanks again guys for the great weekend!
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as i was scouring for our subic trip pics, i came across some old hs pics from mae & tidoy. can you say, time warp? 🙂
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pag minsan, swerte ka talaga at may teammate ka na magaling kumuha ng picture. mwehehe. some shots of jam’s gig at the HP Q2 Hoola Palooza Coffee Talk, courtesy of the legendary Paul Garcia:
bizarre, simply
the first days after a long climb are always disconcerting.
like how disoriented i was, given my first full dose of light and electricity i had when i stepped into sm davao fresh from the mountain.
like how i felt i was drowning in pillows during that first night back at home (that was a nice feeling, actually).
like how strange it seemed when i woke up and saw no mud or twigs, not even the roof of a tent; how weird it felt that i wasn’t to spend my whole day trekking with faces that had gotten familiar.
like how odd it was that i was actually getting food and water from the ref. on a whim.
like how i felt i was still cruising through the streets of davao the first night i went out of the house (good thing i’m on night shift this week; the makati rush may actually succeed in driving the still-unprepared me nuts).
i actually don’t know if i feel good or not.
The Mt. Apo Experience
I love vacations. They allow you to disconnect and free you to be a non-functional individual of the human race.
Despite not pushing through with Camiguin & rafting as planned, to say that climbing Mt. Apo was memorable is a huge understatement.
Definitely, this was the hardest physical battle I’ve had. At times, I’m sure I lost, bruised, wounded and sprained, but the learnings I took from the experience were priceless and unexpected ones, and that’s always a delight.
Thinking about the whole Davao experience sends my head in all directions, but it’s the tiny details that stick. The sight of the clouds way below your feet. The roar of the river as you cross. The pinch from your ‘battle scars’ and the numbness from cold. The canopy that swallows you whole. The feel of the boulders and the smell of sulfur. The glorious sunrise that makes it all worth it.
I’m definitely no good in giving justice to what it was like, so i guess I’ll just let the pics do the talking, as soon as they come.
To the Lakay Apo team, saludo ako sa inyo. Daghang salamat, you guys saved my butt out there. Sana balang araw makabawi ako. Kudos!
For more pics, check out http://picasaweb.google.com/ishgagno/LakayApoTeamMay2007. Thanks Lillian and TJ for posting your pics!
It’ll definitely difficult to top this summer, as I never thought I would be given the chance to literally explore Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao. But hey, who knows? Do i hear a Sagada, Bohol and Camiguin? Woohoo!
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Winning Quotes:
[habang malakas ang ulan ngunit umaaraw]
“Buti pa ang tikbalang, kinakasal; ako single pa rin!”
i’m outta here
how apt it is that on the exact date of my stepping into the rat race (happy may 15th, everyone!), i took the day off. i dropped by UP to finally submit my MS application, was delightfully surprised to meet Jan there, and then spent the rest of my day at my favorite mall (Divisoria’s 168, of course).
in exactly 6 hours and 21 minutes, i’ll be heading off to Davao to do what I guess every mountaineer has thought of doing some time in his life — climb Mt. Apo. and yep, it has dawned upon me that this may be my last post ever, due to two possibilities:
(1) once i meet the boulders of Mt. Apo, i might not be able to come back,
and
(2) once i blissfully take a break from reality, in exchange for the terrains of Davao, the sands of Camiguin, and the rapids of Cagayan de Oro, i might not want to ever come back. mwehehe.
wish me luck! (jan, hinabilin ko na sayo password ko ha? 🙂 )
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took ikay to her first wall-climb last saturday:
sometimes, there just comes a point wherein we just want to throw all caution to the wind and see exactly how high we can reach. of course, when frustrations surface, you can always delude yourself in the mean time and do it literally. 😛
.: ishcapades 